The end is near....

My adventure is nearing the end so it's made me reflect a little on my time here.

There's very few people that would be given the opportunity that I was and I hope I've taken full advantage of it, I feel I have, the gut hanging over my jeans certainly says so. 

Before I arrived I was a little wary that my dry sarcasm may not mesh well with the Americans or neither my caution towards over friendliness but I'm glad to say I think I, and they, survived it without too much disappointment.

The trip has certainly opened my eyes to the wider world and what we have (and don't have) in England more so than the usual short holiday might do. I will admit as much as I'm eager to leave the cold shores of the UK's green land there is a certain something I love that I do believe (and hate to confess) I would miss. 

Although I have utterly lapped up every second of this adventure America is not for me for the long term. Why? Because I've just got on the scales.

I hope you've enjoyed reading my tales and maybe it's inspired you to go and visit some of the places I've mentioned. 

I'm back in cold and windy England now and I'm happy to say so far it's not as bad as I'd conjured up (yet to rain though, maybe ask me again after it does). 

I'm now on a strict diet in preparation for the next trip away! 

Go Britannia! 

P.S Once again I reiterate, DO NOT travel with British Airways!!!

Miami

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

I didn't think I'd find another American city that would give me the excited feeling that New York or Las Vegas did but I was wrong!

This is the place where the beautiful yanks come to catch some rays. Of course there is also the overly collagen injected and these vanity victims parade around with those who are clearly on the no carb, no wheat, no sugar, no dairy, nothing bigger than a pea diet. 

Considering it's in the same state as St Pete and the other easterly cities in Florida it is worlds apart! The residents and tourists here shimmy around wearing a full face of make up (including the guys) and look like they've just stepped off of the Roberto Cavalli cat walk. The restaurants along South Beach are dripping with contemporary decor with an art nouveau twist.

They've been restoring a lot of the 1920s architecture  recently after realising that pulling down the history of the town probably wasn't the wisest choice. They are doing it with class and it all compliments the area.

Driving in Miami though is not for the faint hearted. Most roads as you approach have a minimum of four lanes and the signage around isn't positioned in the most ideal places so do beware and do make sure you're not with anyone with a nervous disposition. The sights are awesome and there's no denying that there is a giant bucket load of cash in this city and they do not try to be modest about it.

I took the bridge (which this time was quite a pretty one) towards south beach and as you approach all you can see is the most opulent boats money can buy docked outside houses you could easily get lost in. 

Did you know a rapper named "Pitbull" is from Miami, there's a fact of the day for you.

One place I couldn't miss to see was Gianni Versace's house, even though I guess that is a tiny bit morbid! I didn't realise the house was literally bang on the main stripe of south beach, I had visions of it being tucked away on some nice secluded side street but nope; this guy obviously didn't mind people nosing in his front windows! It is beautiful and it's quite obvious that he stamped his unmistakable mark on it. 

After years of refusing to let people view the inside, saying that it wasn't respectful, they have succumbed to the dollar signs and are now allowing people to tour it. Now I'd love to say I've seen the ivory throne where Gianni parked his bum but I'm afraid to say that the thieving gits are charging $65 per person to go in!!! 

Anyway, after nearly falling over at the wispy model type telling me she wanted to rob me to view a few rooms we trundled off down towards the 11th Street Diner which is an institution on South Beach. See picture attached to realise why!

Miami isn't the place for a budget holiday, you won't find many hotels under £100 a night and there won't be many restaurants where you can go for less than £20 a head. But if you want to go somewhere to show off your latest Jimmy Choo's then this really is the place for you.

I will definitely be returning to Miami and sampling the nightlife sometime in the near future!!!

Word to the wise, if you expect to get out of Miami by car having never driven here before do not expect to do it promptly. Having driven in London for many years I thought I was pretty well equipped for such a challenge, wrong! I managed to get out of the main city well enough but as soon as I joined a 10 lane interstate the panic set in!! I came off and went back on 3 times before finally getting to the right lane. Next time I am getting a sat nav, my nerves can't take it!!!!

The reason for the exit was the hotel prices seeing as I'd spent the budget for a small country in Key West we headed up to Fort Lauderdale for a slightly (and I mean slightly) cheaper option.

Unfortunately due to it being the down season a hell of a lot of hotels in the area were closed for refits, 90 minutes later we eventually found a place to lay our heads for the evening. 

Seeing as Fort Lauderdale is a mere 30 minutes from Miami it's very different. Same beautiful views but if I hadn't known any different we could have been on a Spanish coastline. Guitar lead music blaring from restaurants and flamenco dancing in the streets. The only thing you probably wouldn't find on the streets of Spain would be a miniature poodle dressed in a pink hoody being walked down the street accompanied by an oversized man fashioning a Hawaiian shirt and plaid shorts.

Excellent food here though, which made a nice change! And if you do like you're American holidays with a touch of Mediterranean flavour this would make a perfect destination.

Bridges and more Bridges

A bridge is a structure built to span a gorge, valley, road, river or body of water, for the purpose of providing a passage over the obstacle. Designs of bridges will vary depending on the function of the bridge and the nature of the terrain where the bridge is constructed.

Bridges... the facts.

Bridges in the Keys; the most boring in the whole wide world. 

If you're an architect and given the opportunity to build a bridge in probably one of the most beautiful parts of the world, surrounded by crystal waters, stunning views and enough traffic for your pride and joy to be seen by 1000s of people per week you'd think they'd make it a touch more exciting than a block of concrete. Especially as there's blooming hundreds of the things!

Unfortunately not. It's a bit of a let down to be fair and an insult to natures successes around it. Shame on you Floridian architects!

Key West was about 50 miles on from Marathon so we set off about 9.30am to head down for the day there. It was one day before the biggest Halloween festival "Fantasy Fest" came to town so there was no way on earth we were getting a hotel in a 100 miles radius of it so had no choice but to get there early enough to see everything.

The Americans call Key West an historic town. In English terms this is a little bit of a farce as it only really dates back to the late 19th century. Before that there was very little here and only used as a fishing port for the native Indians and Spanish in some parts of the year. So don't expect to see anything resembling Stonehenge but more Millennium dome. 

There have been many fist fights over the ownership of the Keys over the years but the people that most left their mark were the Cubans. You can look up the history yourself if you want to delve deeper, it is pretty interesting! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/key_west

It's extremely popular for its size, an estimated 18,000 people pass through it every day! And seeing as only 25,000 live there that's a tad intrusive haha.

The buildings are beautiful and if you didn't know any better you wouldn't think you were in America, it's very unlike everywhere else. We stopped into the museum of art and history for a stroll round and they've added some really nice touches to it. As you go up stairs to each gallery the walls are lined with pictures of prominent(past and present) citizens. Those who have left their mark and done something for the good of the town. People given the honour include a shoe cobbler, a governor, President Truman, a local Key Lime Pie cook and Ernest Hemingway.

Mario Sanchez is one of the exhibits that stay in the Museum. He's this sweet little Cuban who carves street scenes into wood and then paints in the textures and colours with oils. No mean feat either as most of the figures are tiny! www.keywesthistory.org/artmariosanchez.html

Another exhibit was by J. Seward Johnson who creates life like bronze statues of iconic figures, some of which have a slight twist! http://www.sewardjohnson.com. His "Beyond the frame" series takes famous portraits by artists such as Da Vinci, Picasso etc and then makes them 3D adding in things that might have been just out of shot. Very provocative art!

Quite a novel thing about Key West - chickens, everywhere. They roam the streets where ever they please, chicks in tow. Aimlessly weaving in and out of restaurants with no one taking a blind bit of notice, not even the local cats!

As it really is a tourist hot spot you will be greeted by a sea of bum bags and gaudy T-shirts at every corner so this is not the place for the fashion conscious but it oozes individuality and charm.

There is plenty to see and do in Key West, 100s of gift shops, cafes and restaurants so you're best to turn up with an empty stomach and a bulging wallet!

After a few hours dodging the cruise ship occupants had become tiresome so we ducked back in the car and headed north to Key Largo!

We decided to stop there for the evening as the next stop was Miami and after the endurance testing road trip the day previously I feared a nervous brake down if I had spent another day in the car. 

There's not a whole lot in Key Largo, beautiful views of the ocean and I enjoyed a delightful sunset but other than that there really isn't a lot I can mention.

We stayed in the Marriott which was of the usual standard you would expect from this chain. The restaurant staff were excellent though, extremely friend and great fun!

Ended up going to bed pissed as a fart, I do love the beach bars here!!

Road Trip Continued....

After the gargantuan drive yesterday it was decided we'd stay put for the day and seeing as I've actually found paradise I had no arguments.

This place is an ideal holiday retreat, if you want pure luxury combined with your home comforts this is it. In the condo there's your own fully decked out kitchen with every mod con you might ever need. A TV in every room (not that you'll spend much time watching that) 3 bathrooms, a balcony, a porch which you can step down from and in 5 strides be in the pool. 

Seeing as I downed a bottle of red wine and went to bed late I awoke pretty early and toddled off down to the beach bar for breakfast. A bowl of granola with fresh fruit for me accompanied by panoramic views of the bay, heaven.

We'd timed this surprisingly well, even though its still 84 degrees this is their out of season time so we only had to share the pool with a rather large iguana. I'd never call a reptile cute usually but this one had mojo! He was at least 4 ft from head to tail and changed colours right in front of you as he bobbed his head which I'm sure is iguana for "Piss off this spot is mine"

I won't bore you with every detail of this day as it was extremely laid back, basics were; yummy tuna salad brought to me on my sun lounger by the beach, glass of wine in the whirl pool, dinner of the most delish paella with a side of an idyllic sunset and a few unwanted mozzie bites!

Road Trip!

The wondering stranger returns! 

In the last week I have covered over a thousand miles throughout Florida, from the North to the South, from the East to the West coasts. I've seen more tarmac than any human should but it was extremely worth it.

I rented a car last Tuesday and set out with the idea of heading down to Key West (which is a 7 hour drive from St Petersburg) and taking in the sights in between. People had given me pointers of places to stop at and I had 4 different maps to go by so I felt pretty confident I'd be able to make it there and back in one piece!

Leaving St Pete to join up with the main land Florida you head over the Skyline bridge which is a serious engineering success. Not only is it stunning but it spans the open waters for at least 3 miles going high enough to allow huge boats to pass underneath it. As you drive up the incline it almost feels like your ascending a theme park ride and as you reach the ridge there's going to be a 500 ft drop the other side. Slightly white knuckle but the views from the top are breath taking.

The first city I reached was Naples (they have a habit of nicking names over here) which is basically a town for the over 60s to retire to. It's pretty but there are much nicer places in Florida, I was quite happy for the stop to be a minimal one as there's nothing but strip malls and other average sights. The beach is pleasant but not a patch on Fort de Soto or even St Pete beach so I wouldn't recommend making this place a stop on any American travels (unless you have a blue rinse and a zimmer frame)

Naples was the only city we'd see for the next 4 hours so I stopped to fill up with gas (note me picking up the lingo) before we hit the Tamiami Trail. This road is basically the longest, straightest, flattest road I've ever seen. It runs through the everglades which dominate the centre of southern Florida and the only ones brave enough to live among it are the Native American Indians and a few unsociable hermits. 

The only stop here that I wanted to pull over for is the Big Cypress Gallery. www.clydebutcher.com

Clyde Butcher is a very famous photographer in the area who mainly focuses on capturing the beauty of nature all around him. He will stand waist deep in the swamps of the everglades (which are home to 1000s of alligators) waiting to grab the perfect shot. To be fair, he succeeds. They are like no other pictures I've ever seen. A full sized (10ft x 5ft) original will set you back anything between $5000 and $10,000. 

His wife is also a photographer but incorporates painting into her photos by touching them up with colours not 100% true to the original image but they give it a sense of fun and warmth that the black and white image would have lacked.

I did succumb to the gift shop and bought a few prints... copies, not originals and not bigger than me! And as I was leaving Clyde himself was walking in, not often you get to meet the artist eh? And to a true artist style he's odd, yet sweet, shy, yet extrovert, wears clothes that have quite obviously seen better days and fittingly has a very "swampy" look about him!

Anyway, onward bound as it was nearly 1pm and it could easily take another 5 hours to get somewhere suitable for the night!

The next 100 miles were the most boring 100 miles of my life. Bar a few Indian villages which look pretty interesting but you're not allowed in there is a big fat squat, zero, nilcho, nada. Water, reeds and dirt. By the time we approached the next town I almost felt like I was hallucinating a mirage, dreaming of buildings, wishing and hoping to see a glimmer of life and civilisation! 

If you ever take this trip make sure you have someone with you to play car games, not eye spy though because it will only last for 2 minutes.

A town was reached eventually which I believe was Coral Gables but once again nothing much to see so carried on southwards joining Highway 1 for the next 200 odd miles before we get to Key West.

As you're driving through some of these towns it's bleak, backwards and utterly bang on the generalisation we have of remote US cities. The motels are rented by the hour (enough said) the sheriff is on the corner of a street drinking coffee and eating doughnuts (I'm not joking). People that look like they haven't brushed their hair in months or are wearing a baseball cap that is fashioning a mud stained, beer odor and shape that can only be from it being sat on, by a big fat arse, everyday.

Safe to say I drove straight through these places.

The Keys are basically several small islands with mammoth bridges linking them (one is 7 miles long) that curve east to west on the base of the main land. Key West was the main settlement for Cuban refugees in the early 20th century so much of the architecture is influenced by them.

The main four are Key Largo, Islamorada, Marathon and Key West. After over 7 hours in the car I'm done, my foot is frozen in position so decide to stop in Marathon for the night. We past many, MANY motels that looked like you'd have a side of fleas with your bedding, a shit stain in your sink and a tub of herpes to go but finally I spotted a place called "Tranquility Bay" and surely with a name like that you can't go wrong??

Noooooope, check this baby out! www.tranquilitybay.com. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, seriously. I've never been so please to get somewhere in all my life.

The private condo was gorgeous, the setting was paradise and the huge glass of wine they brought me was the cherry on the cake. The plan was to stay here one night but fuck that, I'm moving in!!!!

Kelly and the Waves

I got up on Saturday morning at 7.00am, an unearthly hour after you've consumed abundant amounts of alcohol the night before! I didn't mind that much though seeing as today was the day I was going sea fishing, wwwhhhooopppp!

I did this last time I was out here four or five years ago and it is the most fun ever, unless you're a vegan probably. I was going with my friends John, Teri and Teri's brother Joe on John's boat "Lil Smokey" which is probably 30ft long and has a bedroom and loo in the hull... niiiice!

On our way down to the docks we stopped off to fill it up with fuel and to grab some sandwiches to keep us going later on. Their choice was Subways. Now I can't say I've ever been a fan of this place, this pictures of the food look ruddy hanging but it was this or a raw, probably still flapping, fish so I ordered what I thought would be the safest bet; Ham and Tomato. Unfortunately as the sandwich maker seemed more occupied with my hair colour and the fact it was "Hot" I ended up with Ham, lettuce, some goo and cucumber.... close enough I guess and hey, I was "Hot" in the eyes of a spotty, tattooed teen.

As you drive down the Pinellas Byway it splits so there's a meridian in the middle, it's quite obvious, even for an idiot Brit, to see which way you should be driving down as there's plenty of signs telling you "Wrong Way" "Turn Around (you prat)" But for some unknown reason a guy in a huge red truck decided not to read these signs and was hammering down the wrong side of the road towards us. There was a little part of me that was a tiny bit smug at this point thinking "Even I haven't done that"

As it was a beautiful day the launching bays and the dock were a little busy, lots of families taking their boats for a day out on the water. Children with life jackets on that were so huge they could barely move... at least they won't sink though eh?

Eventually we set off out into the bay first before hitting the open water. Now my track record with choppy seas aren't the greatest. I have spent many hours on boats hanging my head into a bucket turning the lighter shade of pale but thankfully I'd skipped breakfast on purpose so the huge waves we were now crashing down on weren't causing the vomit to start burning my throat. Instead they were bouncing me from my seat and crashing me down onto my arse, I am now the proud owner of a butt bruise.

As none of us could stay on our feet for too long we headed back in shore a little to try our luck there. It wasn't too long before some huge beast was trying to pull me into the water! I must have battled for 10 minutes before yanking the blighter close enough to the boat to see what it was. I had visions of it being a 12ft long kingfisher grappling at the bait, jumping out of the water and trying to bite my head off as I bravely won the fight to bring it on board. To my disappointment it was a 1ft spanish mackerel that probably weight about 2lbs. None the less though, mine was the first catch of the day but for the remainder of the trip I stayed tight lipped on what I thought it was before I pulled it out of the water, less humiliation that way hey.

I forgot to pack my camera today so I'm sorry to I have no wildlife pictures to show you but we saw a few sea turtles out there and some dolphins that followed the boat along for a good mile which was stunning. There's definitely a sense of sheer relaxation about being on a boat, we'd packed beer and food as well as some nice music to kill to, it really couldn't have been anymore perfect. Certainly beats trout fishing by a lake in England I can tell ya. 

Being out here, being able to do things like this and realising people that live here get to do this stuff whenever they want really gives me pangs of jealousy. I've said recently I couldn't live in America but from what I've done and seen over the last day or two is beginning to swing me in the other direction. Maybe I could find a niche here for me, my high fives are certainly coming along nicely so maybe I could live this side of the pond?

Liberation and high fives

A few days on and a few more adventures have been happening! I've been spending some hours at the beach to notch up the old tanning time as it's clearly my last chance this year. The beach I've been going to is Fort de Soto which was voted as the number one beach in the whole of America last year and still remains the best beach in Florida.

It's not at all touristy, probably because it's quite a way out so you have to have a car to get to it. There's no sun loungers, no bars except one cafe on the whole stretch but luckily this all means that in the week this beach is so quiet it's practically your very own private relaxation zone.

On Friday I got there about 11am, found my spot and laid back to soak up the rays. I'd brought a picnic of jam sandwiches, beer and nachos... a clear winning combo so I was set for a number of hours. The only things I shared the beach with was some seagulls that instantly now when there's food in a 50 mile radius, some pelicans which never left the jurassic period and some geriatrics that make up this part of St Pete. All in all, a perfect morning and one I can most certainly get used to.

After I got back from cooking myself on both sides I decided that I wanted to go out for dinner on my own. There's a bit of a stigma attached to solo dining I guess, the 'billy no mates' theory where no one likes the whole place staring at them wondering why they have no one to at least break some bread with. But seeing as everyone I'm hanging about with just go to places that sell burgers and fries I wanted to go and have a balanced meal out for the first time in nearly 3 weeks.

As the nights are closing in now I planned to park in the multi story near where the restaurant I picked was so I didn't have to walk around the town in the dark on my own, it looked pretty easy to find on the map so best foot on the peddle and I was off.

In the centre of St Pete some 'know it all' decided it was a great idea to put loads of one way systems in to reduce traffic flow. What it has done instead has taken a 2 minute journey and multiplied it into a 25 minute journey with a few near death experiences thrown in for good measure. I must have circled the block I needed to get to 50 times before I managed to get into the garage. Up and down, back and forth, ran a few stop signs because I was looking at the map not the road and I almost ended up back at the house before I managed to park the fricking car. I left the house at 6.00pm, I parked the car at 7.05pm.... It's two miles from where I'm living, now you tell me if that's a good road system.

The restaurant I'd picked was an Italian in the Baywalk, nice Mediterranean menu, good decor and the token mood music in the background. I'd come armed with the solo diner's weapons; a book and my course work so I wasn't going to be pitied that much, well at least I wouldn't be so aware of it anyway.

When you utter the words "Just for one" you get a look, slight shock, slight concern, slight intrigue. People automatically want to know how you've got the balls to eat alone. I really don't see the big deal to be fair, why shouldn't it be ok to go and enjoy some nice food with just yourself for company?

I ordered Mussels in a white wine sauce to start and seafood linguine for my main course and a glass of merlot. All was going well so far and to be very honest, I was really enjoying it. I did have some reservations, thinking I'd feel awkward or throw the food down my throat to get out of there quickly. But it gave me a real sense of independence, bizarre as I've eaten out on my own before but here it just felt a little different.

I chatted with my waiter for a while but he was kind enough to give me the space to enjoy my alone time and there was only one waiter that kept staring at me with a look of shock and curiosity on his face, even when I smiled at him he continued to just look at me like I was an exhibit.

When I was half way through my main course a business type gent walked in on his own too and sat on a table opposite me. I think there was a moment where he thought to ask if he could join me and at the same moment the linguine splashed up in my face giving me a line of tomato sauce down my nose so I think he thought better of it. We did chat a little though and he gave me some tips of bars to go to if I fancied a drink afterwards, he then giggled...a man of middle aged giggled at me. As you can probably guess I decline the offer and continued to spatter myself with my food.

I came back that night feeling quite accomplished, not that it was a very adventurous thing to do but all the same I felt like it was!

On Friday I'd been invited out to a sports bar and a street party that happens once every month in St Pete. They put on some music and the local bars set up tables and chairs in the street and offer 2-4-1 drinks all night so it seemed like a winner to me! Unfortunately as the Baseball team where playing that night and they are on a winning streak the town wasn't that busy to begin with so we headed into one of the bars to watch the game and grab some food.

It was the stereo typical sports bar, loads of TVs, pool tables, red and white checkered table cloths, waitresses in short tops and barely there skirts but it had a really nice feel to it and even some cowbell noises to add to the atmosphere, whoop. The team won that night so by around 10pm everyone was off their rockers, including the local governor (who is gay apparently and having a fake wedding to some rich bird someone whispered to me as if they'd be struck by lightening if anyone overheard).

There was a lady that joined us with the biggest hair I have ever seen, I swear if you were playing hide and seek that would be a great place to bury yourself into, no one would ever find you! She was from Texas and had the most annoying voice ever along with blood red lipstick so not only her voice offended me but the whole the noise was coming from too!

Other highlights of the night included: high fiving the whole bar when a home run was scored (I'm so down with it) seeing some tramps scrap over a bottle of beer and telling that governor he should get a Mohawk haircut.

Tomorrow I'm off fishing so up at the crack of dawn to catch my tea, can't wait!!!